Wave
by Pleiadea
Summary: Way in the future, River decides to leave the ship. River is 25 at the beginning. Post BDM and total Rayne.
1. Chapter 1

I wanted to learn. Sure, I could learn any instrument I wanted but he had to be the one to teach me. He was lacking in technical proficiency, but made up for it in something I couldn't learn via genius brain or cortex lessons. Passion. It made the way he played beautiful. The slow, gravelly way he sang very old songs or the way he touched the fretboard softer than any lover.

I held out the smaller secondhand instrument I haggled for at the market. "I need you to teach me to make it pretty. In turn I can teach you to get better."

He studied me for a second in the scared, respectful way he had of looking at me that made me frustrated. I was better now, stop being scared!

" 'Fraid I only know songs, I aint gunna be able to teach ya proper," he went back to slicing his apple.

"Then teach me a song. Be you and teach me that way," I answered simply, sinking onto the couch next to him. "I'm leaving soon, and I'd like to learn to pass what free time I have. I used to sing before all this," I motioned around me. "I'd like to sing again. It used to be pretty but now it's just good."

Changed my name and studied via correspondence. It was easy in the vastness of the black. Weeks and months between planets left me with the time to do so. Really for me, Serenity piloted herself. Got Guild certified and assigned to a school in need of a teacher. Some planet I'd never heard of where teachers didn't want to go but I took the post gladly. I needed stability, my brother said it would be good for my newly repaired mind. As sad as I was to leave her, the ship wasn't the best place for me and I was afraid of a relapse endangering them all within her.

"Yer leaving aint the thing I want to be thinkin on, Moony," he sounded sad. His colors were angry.

"Then teach me, and you can be with me even when you aint, Ape," I smiled sweetly and nudged his side with my shoulder. We had become friends, in a way. I still pissed him off but it was a more endearing trait rather than an actual nuisance.

We spent the next few weeks going through his 'catalog' of what he knew and I taught him the ins and outs of better playing. I found my voice again, he told me it was all sweet and pretty. I told him his playing was much improved and sometimes he even smiled at me. He gave me a new nickname, one less offensive and one that held some weight to it. "Bluebird," he'd whisper as he positioned my fingers on the strings. It was the day after I recited a favorite poem of mine. By a very sad, but very prolific poet.

Finally it came time for me to disembark. I had a life I needed to start and new friends to make. They were my family and I was a grown woman now.

"Time for the Bluebird to leave the nest," I told my brother through my happy tears. I hugged my jie-jie's goodbye and kissed Captain Father on the cheek as he stroked my hair and told me to be a good little Tross.

" Thisis my home planet. My Ma's homestead aint far," he told me, shuffling his feet in the dust as he handed me a piece of paper and a sealed envelope. "I know she'd be well glad to meet ya. My sister don't get out much, she'd like a friend. She's a lot like lil Kaylee. All sunshine and bubbles. Just deliver this letter if ya get yerself over there. You take care of yerself, Bluebird." His fingers lingered on mine as we exchanged our goodbye. I stood on my toes and kissed his cheek softly.

"Wave me, you can teach me a new song," I whispered in his ear.

My cottage was small. A blue sitting room and a small light coloured bedroom off to the side. A long narrow kitchen lead through to a small washroom with a real shower which piped in well water. I spent most of my free time either playing the little guitar I had bought or over at the Cobb homestead. His mother was very glad to meet me. Some kind of understanding in her eyes when I introduced myself and bore the letter her son wrote. His sister was as he promised, sunshiney and talkative which made me pine for Kaylee and my brother sometimes. I missed him as well. We'd wave every few weeks, him singing softly as to not wake the crew or new pilot, Annie. I'd learn a new song and play it for him, my feelings covertly masked in the words of other people. My face obscured by my hair so he couldn't see my bright eyes, shining with homesick tears.

The children I taught there were a comfort in all their shabby clothed, dusty faced glory. I wondered if he was one of those children at one time. I wondered it I would ever have a dusty child of my own.

The next year I turned 26 when the old ship touched down at the dock. I held fast to Mattie's hand as she bounced up and down at the prospect of seeing her brother. Captain Father was first off, followed by the sad Warrior and small Pilot. Kaylee and my brother exited together, still holding hands as they hugged me. Their tears moistening the shoulders of my new dress. Mattie threw herself onto her big brother and he swung her around and laughed and kissed her cheeks. I caught his eye and he placed her down gently.

"Good to see you, Bluebird," he reached out to brush my hair off my forehead. "Rim air is doin you some good." I had filled out, my skin was tanned by the summer sun that had just retired for the autumn, my hair had grown and darkened as I got older, and I had noticed freckles popping up across my nose and cheeks.

"I've missed you, Ape," I managed. "I'm under strict instructions to keep you away from a cathouse and bring you straight to Mother." She wanted me to call her Ma. I couldn't, for it was his word for her. I couldn't bring myself to use his words, his inflections, it evoked memories of the way his voice would change when he spoke about someone he loved. I wondered if it changed when he told people about me. If he ever mentioned me.

Mother was very glad to see her boy. She smiled all the way up to her eyes as he hugged her so tight her feet left the ground. She was very happy to meet the people she'd heard about in letters and from me for so long. She knew Captain right away. And Zoe. She stopped at Annie, "well aint you pretty as a picture," she exclaimed. I noticed Jayne stiffen. Oh, well, that explains that I suppose. I spent dinner practically sitting in my brother's lap as they told stories of deals gone South, different places they'd been sent to, all work legitimate and not so. I noticed Jayne and Annie whispering among themselves after the meal then disappearing out back. I excused myself to home. Feigning tiredness from a week of work, invited Kaylee and Simon to stay with me.

As we walked home, I tried to casually make conversation about the pretty short Pilot.

"Annie's cute as a button," Kaylee beamed. "And she's a great pilot, Riv. You'd be so proud."

"Even Jayne is nice to her," Simon mentioned. "She won us all over, although she doesn't replace you." I frowned. "Go on, ask me."

"What," I squeaked as I fiddled with the end of my braid.

"They're not sweethearts," Kaylee put her hand on my shoulder. "We thought so for a while, we sure did. But she don't exactly take to menfolk like that." I opened the door to my house and ushered them in. "Wow, what a darling little house ya got Riv!" We spent the rest of the night all huddled on my small couch, under a blanket Mother had made me after assessing my house one afternoon. I was woken in the middle of the night by a soft knock on my front door.

I was shocked at who I found when I opened it. "What time is it," I asked in hushed tones, rubbing my eyes and stepping out onto my patio as to not wake my sleeping family.

"Late," Jayne said, swaying a bit. "Very late or very early. Cain't tell." He replaced the blanket onto my shoulder, where it had slipped down. Autumns were cold and dry here. It was nice to feel the crisp air of a clear night.

"What are you doing here," I asked sounding a bit more angry than I meant to.

"I missed ya Bluebird. All that time out there," he pointed to a far off place in the sky, "I'd been thinkin on you. Annie caught me waving you one night. When I sang that song to ya. The real pretty one that damn near made ya cry. We got to talkin, and I got to thinkin. Then I couldn't stop and I wanted to fly that ship myself right here and come and get you. Tell you that yer place was on Serenity with us."

"The crew," I said, looking down at my bare feet. My toes were getting cold. But if I looked up to his face my precarious hold on my emotions would dissolve.

"No dammit," he leaned again the house with a thud. "You bein earthbound. Aint right."

"You have something you need to tell me," I asked. I dared a glance over to him. His eyes were slipping closed. He was drunk. And passing out. On my gorram patio. Fodder for the gossip cannon, I was sure of it. Schoolteacher had herself a caller in the middle of the night and he passed out drunk right in front of her house. Oh I could hear it already. I lead him inside past my sleeping brother and sister in law into my bedroom. He flopped down on the bed and I removed his boots.

"Ya takin me to yer bed, Bluebird," he slurred.

"Shh," I stroked his forehead. "Sleep now."

Luckily he woke up well after Simon and Kaylee had left for town to meet Captain Father, Zoe and Annie. I was in the kitchen fixing myself tea when he emerged from my bedroom with a horrified look on his face.

"Riv," he started, running his fingers through his curling hair. "How'd I get here?"

"I suppose you walked, genius," I smiled and handed him a mug of tea. "As far as the rest are concerned I'm sure they think you slept at a brothel."

"Haven't done that in a while, Bluebird," he looked down into the steaming mug and sat down at the kitchen table. The scarred wood seeming very interesting to him. "Reckon Annie'll know where to find me. But also reckon she won't tell the others. Did I say any nonsense last night?"

"No more than usual," I spun my mug in my hands. "You said you don't like me being here. Said Annie caught you singin to me. I wasn't aware we were doing anything to be ashamed of."

"Pretty little girls like ya are supposed to be courted by handsome young men, Bluebird. Me singing you sweet songs in the middle of the night from all tha way out in the Black is shameful. Used up old man like myself gotta stick to my own kind."

"There's a bluebird in my heart that wants to get out, but I pour whiskey on him and inhale cigarette smoke and the whores and bartenders and the grocery clerks never know that he's in there," I recited with my eyes closed. "Is that what you've been doing?"

"To be honest wit ya," he sighed downing his tea in one scalding gulp, "my last visit to a paid woman ended badly. Aint been back since. To any of em. Your pretty face and and little voice ruined me. Then ya went and left us all. Ya left me just as you were findin me out. Yer the only one who got in, for all those years. I started singin you pretty songs, cos I aint so great with words." He laced up his boots and opened the back door. As he crossed the threshold he looked back at me. I wasn't going to stop him.

"I aint a little girl, you know," was all I said sadly as I twisted my hands in my skirt. "And I think you've been painfully aware of that for a while."

"Suppose I have been," and with that he walked out of my house.

Another week passed before I saw him again. The nights closed in and it was getting darker earlier. Annie had shown up at the schoolhouse one afternoon as I dismissed the children.

"Hello Annie," I smiled at the small redhead, "how are you today?" I gathered up what papers I needed to take home and loaded up my panel with the assignments for the week to come.

"Not so great, River," she said matter-of-factly as she sat down at one of the students' desk. "I don't know you that well. But I know that there's something about you makin' the toughest, hardest, most stubborn man I ever met go all soft. Now ya seem a nice girl, maybe a bit loopy sometimes, but I guess genius has a few downfalls."

"Oh Annie, love, you have no idea," I leaned against my larger desk at the front of the room. "There are a lot of things unsaid in my life. But it's not just me being uncommunicative. He needs to get over whatever guilt he has about me on his own."

"He tell ya he don't go to whore no more," she asked. I nodded. "He tell ya why?" I shook my head No. "When I came on he was practically fueling the boarder and Rim economy with his whoring. He was favoring these tall, voluptuous, blonde women with light eyes and dark skin. Two, three a night. He'd then pass out in his bunk but he weren't never looking happy. Then, after I heard him singing and saw you two waving he switched to skinny little brunette ladies with soft voices and delicate skin. One night he came in, I was up messaging my Bao Bei. He sat in the co-pilot's chair and just stared at me for a good long while. It's downright unsettlin. He then leaned forward and said 'I could stare atchya all night, Annie, ya ain't gunna turn inta her are ya?' Suppose I aint, Jayne. 'I could fuck all the chocolate haired whores with kind eyes and little noses in the 'verse and they aint gunna turn inta her neither, right?' Suppose they not, man."

"Ma-de," I wiped my eyes on the cuff of my sleeve. "You must think I'm the most frigid, stupid little girl in the verse then."

"No, I think you're both shit at admitting you're in love with each other. Don't make ya a bad person," she got up and turned to leave. "Ma's having us for dinner before we ship back out. She told me to be sure you're coming."

"Tell Mother I will be there," I took a shaky breath. "And thanks. For all that."

"Didn't do it fer you, girl," she smiled. "Big man, little ship. Can't have him throwing his weight around all hormonal and angry."

At dinner I sat across from him. I studied him as he ate the last homecooked meal he would have in a long while. He'd look up once in a while and give me a small grin. Take. Jayne took what was his. Food. Weapons. Money. Bunk. Women. He took everything offered. Seconds on dinner, especially. If I offered myself up to him would he take? Was I a thing to be taken?

After dinner Captain, Kaylee, Annie, Jayne and myself headed out to a bar in search of some liquor and a decent pool table. I knew of a small place with a flickery table that stayed on most of the time. We drank quite a bit. Kaylee made the Captain dance with her, Annie got cozy with the pretty bartender and Jayne ordered more drinks. He occasionally handed me one.

"Shipping out tomorrow," he said slamming his drink down on the high table. "Won't be back for a while."

"I know," I suppressed a belch. Still hadn't gotten the hang of this drinking thing. "Wish I weren't drunk," I stepped closer to him and grabbed his jacket by the lapels.

"Yeah, Bluebird? Why's that?"

"So you wouldn't have to turn other women into me," it was out of my mouth before I could stop it. His face hardened into a visage of some old version of Jayne I remembered from ten years prior. He gently pushed me away and stomped out of the bar.


	2. Chapter 2

He left so suddenly I didn't get to explain myself. I walked after him, tears blurring my vision. I wasn't thinking correctly due to over imbibing or due to the look on his face.

He spun around fast, fist lifted like he was going to hit me.

"Get away from me," he growled. His teeth bared, face bright red and chest heaving, he looked like a warrior from an ancient story or old song. "You were in my head! It weren't fair," he sounded a lot like a child who had just lost a playground game. His eyes narrowed and he jabbed a finger in my direction. "Witch."

"I didn't peak," I pleaded. "I aint peaked since the Miranda wave! I went through all that CBT and surgery so I'd stop peaking!" I was very close to crying. "Annie told me! I don't think she were supposed to but she did because you've been miserable and she's your friend and she wants you to stop being sad. Why don't you think anyone loves you?!" Correction, I was crying.

I realized we were standing in the middle of the town square, shouting down the moon at each other in front of many of the parents of children I taught. We were making a scene. Mother would surely hear about this. Maybe it was best he was shipping out in a matter of hours. I took a deep breath and squared my shoulders. I smoothed my hair down and looked him in the eye as much as was possible, stepping closer to him. I lifted my chin in the haughty way I was taught when I was younger. "This Bluebird is done drowning in your whiskey." I walked off in the direction of home. I was not looking forward to the throttling I'd be getting from my surrogate mother.

I slammed the front door and slid down to the floor, rested my forehead on my knees and just sobbed. Simon came in shortly after and sat down beside me, rubbing my back and whispering soothing things to me until I finally felt like I was all cried out and started to fall asleep.

"I done messed up so bad," I muttered as he covered me with the faded quilt that was a gift from Mother.

"He'll forget about it in the morning," he assured me.

"But then you're all going again." I fell asleep for what may have only been a few hours, for when I woke up it was still dark.

Mother showed up at first light, carrying a basket of eggs from her farm as she did every Saturday morning.

"I suppose you heard," I leaned against the counter in the kitchen and cross my arms over my meager chest. "It was quite a scene."

"Was sure, girl," she set her basket down and inspected her nails. "You two been fightin like cats and dogs fer years I reckon. Not a word about any woman for near a decade then you get on that ship and he's gettin' his hackles up over you. You weren't in his head no more, though?"

"It's impossible. Things were pieced back together as restitution. All residual trauma was cognitively dealt with I'm, while very intelligent and a bit strange, normal. I even felt like a real woman who had a man be sweet on her and did nice things for no reason. It was nice for a while. I suppose it's over now."

"Aint hardly over. He weren't angry long. Annie dragged his drunk sorry ass back home. She sure is strong fer such a little thing. If she weren't sly I'd be callin the cousins to come have a gander. Anyway, my boy done spent the rest of the night sobering up worrying on how he'd done gone and hurt yer feelings. I can't name any time he'd done that."

I crossed the room to pull the coffee off a shelf and handed a cup to her. Mother always appreciated real coffee and I could afford it so I was generous in sharing. I was sure this was how real family treated each other.

"Well they are gone in a few hours. Point is moot," I drank my coffee and motioned for Mother to do the same. "If we do talk again it will be more late night Waves. More short, poorly spelled letters dragging out a prose to not say the things he's thinking. More thinly veiled confessions in the forms of songs from so long ago no one remembers who wrote them anymore."

"What're you tellin me, girl," she asked in a rough tone that reminded me of him.

My eyes burned again. Perhaps I still had some tears saved up for the words I'd never said. Would probably never get to say. It was the pain of a late Wave and the anticipation of bad news. The tightness in my chest when the postmaster delivered a letter in his scrawled writing but how he tried to write his name neatly. It was emblazoned in my dreams and heart and sometimes when I was along I'd try and copy it. The soft way he'd tell me goodnight before signing off the Cortex. I doubled over and let out a choked whimper. I couldn't say it. Not after what happened.

"Nothing," I whispered. "I'll just miss him."

"Sure you will, darlin," she humored me. "You'll miss your brother and lil Kaylee and the Captain and Zoe as well but they're not the ones you were shoutin at last night. They're not the ones yer really cryin over are they?"

Simon and Kaylee woke shortly after and got dressed quickly. They left the house without a word, only to return twenty minutes later. Kaylee had Jayne by the hand and was dragging him inside like a naughty child.

"We leave in three hours," she huffed as she pushed him down into a chair. "River is my sister and I refuse to have her cryin' over your big dumb ass," she shook a finger in his face. Then she looked to me with anger I'd never seen in her eyes. "And Jayne is my friend and I can't be on a ship with him being all grizzly and mean because you two had a misunderstandin. Talk!" She left the house with Simon. I could hear her boots stomping down the street as she swore a blue streak.

"You don't say sorry," I told him, sadly. "I've never known you to apologize. No one has."

"Yeah well, I aint never," he leaned back in the chair and stared at my face. "Why's yer face like that?"

"Like what?"

"All red and puffy. You done been cryin over me?"

"Why would I not be? You called me a witch in the middle of town! Even after I explained myself. You added it after to hurt me. Mission accomplished." I felt my chin start to tremble again. I would not cry in front of him.

"Annie told me she told ya. I went back and drank until she dragged me home to my Ma and they all spent the night sobering me up. Ma reckons yer damn stubborn and in love with me."

"Well Mother says I bother you. Get your hackles up. I thought we were friends, Jayne," I ran a finger over a scar in the table. I couldn't look at him.

"You do. You bother me. Ya make me feel stupid and clumsy. Ya make my hackles rise when you brush against me cos I know I aint gunna touch ya. I want you so bad I hate ya sometimes but then I hear yer sweet little voice or I see yer pretty writin. And a different feeling replaces that. I only don't like ya when yer not there. It don't feel right. You belong on Serenity."

"Say it," I demanded. "Say it like you were going to say it the other night. I'm done dancing around it. I'm drowning in there," I placed my flattened hand over my heart. He sat there, mouth slightly agape like he was going to say something. But then his characteristic stoicism returned and he shook his head. "You're too clever, aren't you? Only let the Bluebird out at night sometimes?"

"Last time I went to a whore I found one that looked like ya, okay? I made her lay in that dirty bed with me and pretend she loved me," he shouted standing up. "Don't ya tell me what's goin' on in my heart, girl! Ya happy? You done broke me!" He sat back down staring daggers at me. My cheeks felt wet. Damn, so much for keeping myself under control. Didn't he know? I would have lay in bed and loved him any time he asked, or told or demanded. He wasn't taking. He wasn't being Jayne. I did break him.

"I'm sorry," I said, wiping my cheeks hastily. "I didn't mean to. It wasn't my intention. I liked the way you sang and played guitar and I wanted you to teach me how to do things with feeling again. For so long I was this mechanical thing that could do tasks well but didn't really do them like a person. You made me feel human again when you taught me how to take care of knives and guns and when you'd offer to take me out drinking. Sometimes I'd catch you looking at me like a real woman without a past who was just pretty when she danced. When I started to feel again food tasted better and the stars were brighter and I wanted you to be the person to make me feel that way."

His face softened and he reached out for me. I shrugged away. He came around to my side of the table and lifted me from the chair. He wrapped me in a tight hug that smelled like old whiskey and sweat. His chest started to shake and before I knew it he was crying into my hair, fisting it in his massive hand. Slowly my arms came up under his arms and joined across his back. "Shhhh," I whispered and rubbed his back in little circles. "Take a deep breath." He drew a shuddering breath and pulled me closer like he was trying to memorize the feel of my body against his.

"I can't say it, Bluebird" he lamented.

"You just be sure I don't drown in there," I assured him.

They left that afternoon, after lots of hugs and kisses from my brother and Kaylee. Captain Father kissed the top of my head the way only a Father can. Zoe gave me her signature "this-is-a-handshake-but-I-mean-hug" goodbye and Annie squeezed my hand before she left. "Sort yourselves out," she whispered in my ear. Jayne finished his goodbyes to his family and came over to me. He grabbed my hand in both of his. He looked as though he was going to say something and in that moment, it was the only time I missed my mind reading abilities. Being a normal woman, while nice was frustrating sometimes.

"This don't seem right," he said.

"I know you don't think so. But I do like it here. I do feel like I belong."

"Yer place should be on there," he motioned back to the ship. "You belong there."

"Say it," I closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around his neck as he held me against him by the waist. "Just once, please. I won't make you say it ever again."

"You belong with me."


	3. Chapter 3

Autumn slowly turned to Winter when the winds came. With them the long nights where I had no company. Mattie didn't dare venture out due the cough she'd had since childhood which seemed to worsen as the days got colder and Serenity stayed away on jobs. I had a few acquaintances in town, but mostly kept to myself. I played guitar and wrote letters. Mother taught me to knit and while I was good at it, found it boring. Sometimes my students' parents would invite the solitary schoolteacher to dinner on Sundays. But mostly I stayed home at night, not willing to brave the winds and occasional snow. I was up late correcting some work when the Wave chime sounded in the next room. I pulled a sweater over my head and headed into the sitting room where the screen was lit up. I accepted the incoming message.

"Hey Bluebird," his face looked tired but he was smiling so wide.

"Good evening Ape," I countered. My chest loosened at the sight of him. Every Wave had the potential to bear bad news. In his line of work, death was always a possibility, as I well knew. "I've missed you."

"Thinkin on ya is the only thing keepin me warm at night," I cold see him reach out to touch the screen. I could almost feel his finger trace the curve of my cheek.

"It better be," I smiled, trying to lighten the mood. "Any word on you having shore leave?"

"Mal says in three weeks we'll be hittin dirt and I'll be able ta see ya. I need to be feelin ya in my arms again. I still aint kissed ya proper, " he lamented. "You want a song before I go?"

"Yes please," I leaned back against the couch and let the soft, rough rumble of his voice wash over me.

That weekend I spent at Mother's house, playing cards with Mattie and listening to her happily chat away about the Christmas festival between coughs that wracked her tall, thin body.

"Momma says I might be well enough to go," she chirped as she lay her cards down. "There's that postmaster, you know, the one with sandy hair, well he done asked if I was goin to the contra after the festival. Sounded real keen I was attendin. I have a real motivation to not be ill, Riv."

"Not sure you'll be up ta dancin, young lady," Mother called from the kitchen.

"Oh, I will be," she whispered conspiratorially. "Reavers couldn't keep me from dancin with him." She winked at me and shuffled the cards again.

Mother came in and sat in her chair, picking up the kitting that was resting on it.

"Been a long time since I had occasion to knit baby things," she mused to herself as her hands worked at the lace shawl on her needles. I let out a nervous laugh. Mother had a way to telling you what to do in a nice old lady way that made it seem like it was her fondest wish.

"Any reason you're mentioning that now, Mother," I relented eventually.

"Just would be nice to have grandbabies before I'm shuffled off, darlin. That's all," she smiled and went back to her fancywork.

I knew there was a bit of gossip in the town. I was, in comparison to all the other families, a newcomer. I overheard a couple of women tut-ing my singledom one afternoon in the town's only cafe. I had stopped in to get some spiced cider to warm me through the rest of the school day.  
>"Shame," one of the middle aged women said. "Pretty girl like that livin all on her lonesome behind that schoolhouse"<br>"I heard Radiant's eldest were sniffing round that little cabin of hers last he showed his face here," the other leaned in and said. "Fine little thing like that should hold out fer a nice younger man. Not one tha's shootin people up fer a livin."  
>"She's gunna run outta options soon 'nuff,"the first chuckled. "Word is she's near 27. Shoulda been married with a passel by now. Was 25 when I had my last one. All ten-a them growed up now." I had one inquiry as to my receiving of male callers. The nice man who owned the mercantile, his son seems quite sweet on me. I had to let him down very gently and I didn't speak a word of it to Jayne. He would have turned the ship around himself to come beat that boy to a pulp.<p>

True to her word, Mattie was better in time for the Christmas festival, with only a hint of a cough at night time. She painted her face in subtle peach tones to hide the pallor of illness, and put on a bit of eye make up to bring out the brilliant blue of her eyes. All the Cobbs must share the same azure eyes, for Mother and Jayne also had the similarly colored feature. Mother had made up a pretty wool dress for her the color of a winter night sky. She was very pleased with herself as she twirled with the young postmaster at the contra after the festivities. Her honey blonde curls bounced as she danced and her complexion took on that unearthly glow young women get when they're in love for the first time. I stood on the side enjoying the music and not feeling compelled to dance manically like I used to. Being at rest was nice, even if I was a bit jealous of all the fun she was having.

"Come on, teacher," one of my older students, a sweet boy of 12, grabbed my hand. "Dance with me!" We jumped into a formation of four and he swung me with the strength of a grown man. I was spun and twirled until I was face to face with Mattie. She grabbed me and we skipped and turned to new partners. I was met by my decidedly aged but still very handsome gege.

"Hello meimei," he said brightly. "Ma Cobb said you'd be here. Thought we'd surprise you." He spun me into the arms of Captain Father.

"Hey there Tross," he danced me around in a formation of four. I tilted my head back and laughed fully. For the first time in months my heart felt full. I searched the hall for Kaylee and found her over at the food table, gorging herself on the last apples of the harvest. They had been baked and stuffed with sweet breads and spices. She was talking animatedly with Zoe and a man I knew from town who worked in the butcher. I turned once more to my original partner. His eyes sparkled as he laughed.

"Yer a popular dance partner, Miss River," he giggled. The song ended after what seemed an eternity and I went to find Kaylee. Zoe pointed me over to the tables. She was going off with Captain Father to share some fine homebrew with one of the local lawmen.

She let out a loud whoop as she practically jumped into my arms, showering me with kisses and almost with baked apple.

"Ya look so shiny, Riv," she shouted over the music of a new song that had begun to play. Mother had done up a dress for me in a grey heavy cloth that fit me tightly to the waist and flared out to a full skirt that ended at my knees. The collar showed off what she liked to call my 'swan neck' and the sleeves ended just above my elbows. She claimed it would make me look taller. "I keep forgettin how you're a grown woman now. I still picture ya in those over-sized dresses and shorts." She smoothed down the front of her own pink and green frock as we pulled away. Simon came by to swing her on to the floor where everyone was dancing. My brother had sure made headway in the whole "not being a stick in the mud" department. In all the excitement I hadn't seen Jayne, leaning against a far wall. I made my way over to him, getting sided by people wanting to say hello. I never broke eye contact with him. The more I got sided, the more impatient and smoldering his stare became. Eventually after the village midwife accosted me to talk about how happy she was her little girl was learning to read, Jayne just came over to where I was and cut in.

"'Scuse me, Miss Alosha," he smiled and bent me backward. His lips captured mine in the first kiss we ever shared. My first kiss, I realized. Gorramit, my first kiss in front of all these people. His arm snaked around my waist and felt my concern melt away. I heard a few gasps around us and thought happily that one might be one of those nosy women from the cafe. "Missed you, Bluebird," he said into my mouth. It was then I noticed the bandage around his massive bicep.

"Oh goodness, BaoBei," I stroked his arm. "When did you get hurt?!"

"The day I waved ya," he admitted. "I didn't want ta tell ya. You were so worried on Mattie's cough. I lived cos dare say we've got the best Doc in the 'verse crewing our ship." When he smiled his eyes wrinkled at the corners. It made me aware of how much older he was than me. It made my heart hurt to think he was getting shot at, but then I remembered he was Jayne. That sort of stuff was what he loved. I was under no illusion that my affections could ever smother that violent fire inside him. And I suppose it was what I liked about him. He was a rough, violent, large man who liked to shoot things. But with it came an intense protective streak for the things he held dear, as few as they were.

He and Simon had become friends of sorts over the years. They both enjoyed a cigar once in a while and it kind of evolved from there. Simon started lifting weights, Jayne would spot him. Then before anyone knew it they were going out on shore leave together, doing gambling and even getting into a tussle or two together. One day a drink tried to stab Simon in a bar on Persephone and Jayne all but eviscerated that man.

He lead me out of the hall and into the cold night, where it had started snowing. Annie was out there having a smoke with a pretty girl with poker straight black hair and Asiatic features. She threw the cigarette into the snow and pulled the girl into a long, deep kiss. At least the village would have something other than Jayne display at the contra to talk about tomorrow. She winked at us as we headed in the direction of my house.

"Come on, big man," I leaned into his side as we walked. "I'm takin you home with me."

The house was only slightly warmer than the weather outside. Jayne set to making a fire in the little hearth on the far wall of the sitting room as I lit the burners in the kitchen and heated some mulled wine. He had the fire roaring by the time I came back in, carrying the steaming mugs. I sat beside him and put my head on his shoulder.

"It's good to be back. This place didn't never feel like home growin up. I had a mighty itch to be anywhere but here. When I took to the Black, I reckoned that was where I'd be til the day I died. When ya was assigned here, I was glad you'd be in a place I knew ya was safe. Told Simon bout it and I'm sure it's the only reason he agreed so quick like." I remembered the day I got my assignment. I had the opportunity to decline but something about the map and planet name struck a chord with me. The papers felt right in my hand.

"I'm glad to have Mother and Mattie here. When I showed up on her doorstep that day, your Mother knew who I was right away."

"That letter I wrote her that ya delivered fer me. It told her."

"What did it say?"

"This is River Tam. I love her. Please take care of her."


	4. Chapter 4

When I woke the next day, the sun was finally breaking through the persistent cloud cover we'd had for three weeks. I rolled on my side, acutely aware of the sharp pain between my legs. In all my years on the ship, I had neglected to lose my virginity and was faced with being a 26 year old woman with her own home and several careers under her belt who had never known a man like that. I felt a hand creep up over my middle and pull me flush with the sleeping mass behind me. He tucked me under his chin and crossed his over arm over my chest. He held on to my like I was precious, like I was one of the things he was violently protective of.

The night before he had told me what the brief note to his mother said that day, all that time ago when I was settled on the dusty, cold planet. 'I love her,' is what it said. After the words escaped his mouth I saw him stop for a moment, his face twisted in pain and he set his hand down on my knee. I figured it was probably the only time I was going to hear it. I tried to memorize the shape his mouth made when he said it and how his breath felt on my skin as he breathed the words out. I kissed him hard and felt his dry lips under mine, his stubble against my face.

He wrapped his arms around me as he lifted me off the couch and carried me into the bedroom. As he set me down on the bed, he looked at me like it was the first time he'd seen me in years.

"I don't want to hurt ya, Bluebird," he said softly as he nuzzled my chest with his nose. Slowly kissing his way up to my ear he whispered, "we can stop. Ya don't hafta do this."

"What makes you think- oh!- that I don't want to do this," I asked as he lifted my skirt around my waist. His hands were rough and calloused against my skin. I was so warm his hands seemed like blocks of ice. I smiled a bit and recited, "Cold hands, warm heart." A saying I remember from when I was younger.

"What?"

"Crazy talk," I countered. "Continue."

At first entry, it did hurt. A small stabbing pain when he entered me that was quickly replaced with the need to have him fully inside me. He sunk to the hilt and stopped. I whimpered and tried to move my hips. He had me pinned under him.

"Hey, baobei," he ran a hand up and down my side. "Go slow. Been waitin a long time on this. I wanna have this last a while."

It did last a long while. The sky turning from black to and impossibly dark blue to purple. We took a shower, changed the sheets and settled in to bed. He pulled the quilt all the way up to my chin when he realized I was shivering. "Ya done made me the happiest man alive, Bluebird." I was hoping he'd declare he loved me, but I knew better than to expect that. He wasn't a man for words. Jayne did. Jayne was a man of action. He fell asleep clutching to me like I was going to fly away. My sleep came soon after and I dreamed of little dusty children with dark hair and light eyes running around the prairie with their tall Daddy.

Once I had woken fully, I slipped myself out from under his grip and found my unders. I buttoned up his flannel shirt from the night before and gently picked up my guitar that rested by the bedroom door. I went out into the sitting room to tinker with it before I prepared our breakfast.

I saw cross-legged on the floor and made some tuning adjustments, then started to sing softly.

"I'm scratching at the surface now, and I'm trying hard to work it out.  
>So much had gone misunderstood, this mystery only leads to doubt...<br>And if you have something to say, you'd better say it to me now.  
>Say it to me now..."<p>

I messed around with the chords and what lyrics I had remembered for so long I hadn't noticed him standing in the doorway.

"That's real pretty, BaoBei," he greeted me with his wide, bright smile and crinkled eyes.

"I thought I'd sing it to you next stretch in the Black. Seems like a good way to continue our correspondence. It's poetic and tortured and passionate. It's longing."

"What ya longin fer, darlin," he crouched down next to me and traced my jaw with his thumb. "Ya think cos I don't say it, I don't think it?"

"It'd be nice to hear, even just once. You told your Mother and maybe Annie but you aint told me yet." He had confessed it to his Mother and Annie obviously knew. He was with her a lot so it must have come up in conversation. Sometimes when we spoke I thought it would slip out of his mouth accidentally. He was too in control for that; sometimes I forgot who I was talking to. I forgot he took what he wanted on his terms. No negotiation. "I can't hear your thoughts and even if I could it wouldn't be the same as hearing you say it out loud. It would be a nice admission. I was precious enough that you put me in the care of the only person in the 'verse that you trust. I know that means something bigger than the little words I'm aching to hear. But I'm inherently female and we need affirmation."

"Ya wanna hear me say it," he grinned wickedly and gently took the guitar out of my hands, resting it on the floor beside us. He pressed a deep kiss to my lips as one of his hands came up to cradle my neck.

"Ugh," came a cry from the front door. "I can never unsee that!" It was Simon, who I had given a key to last he visited. He came in to the tableaux of his sweet meimei laying on the floor in her knickers and an open shirt with the big mercenary (15 years her senior) kissing down her chest and his hand in her panties. I could understand his disgust but didn't have it in me to be ashamed.

"Then learn to knock," Jayne said roughly, hardly lifting his lips from my right breast. "We're busy."

"I just came to see if River wanted to come shopping with us," he countered, still shielding his eyes. "Please stop, I might actually be ill."

"You're being dramatic again," I giggled as I pushed Jayne's head away from my chest and started to close the shirt I was wearing. Jayne pouted at me and I mouthed 'Later' with a little wink as I got up to start breakfast. I made some for Simon as apology for what he walked in on. I sat on the counter as the two men in my life devoured pancakes and bacon as if they'd not eaten in weeks. I drank my coffee and stole a bit of bacon of Jayne's plate. He scowled at me, but winked as I bent forward so he could see down my shirt. "Now that I've fed you, go back to the Cobb house and tell whoever is after him that Jayne is indisposed for the next day," I took in his form, clad in only his frayed, slightly dirty jeans and rethought that. "Maybe two." He laughed and scooped me up over his shoulder and took me back to the bedroom. I let out a shocked cry then started laughing. He was bravado, he was him and I liked it. Before he pushed the door closed he gave me an open-handed swat on the bottom and turned to Simon.

"Let yerself out, yeah," he ordered. "And lock the gorram door!"

He tossed me onto the bed and growled as he climbed on top of me, undoing the buttons of his accosted shirt. He pushed it to the sides and I was exposed, gooseflesh appearing across my chest where the cold mid morning air hit my skin. I let out a little shiver.

"Cold," he asked.

"Partially," I sighed, stretching my arms up over my head. He pulled the heavy quilt over us and liberated himself of his jeans. He pulled back and just looked at me for a moment. The ice in those blue eyes of his melted as he gently touched my lips with the pads of his fingers, coming back to rub his thumb along my bottom lip. He lowered his head to smell my hair.

"I just wanna remember this. Yer lips are softer than I thought they'd be. The smell of your hair, the feel of yer legs round me." He entered me and settled himself inside again. It didn't hurt too bad this time, and I found myself pressing my heels into his buttocks to pull him in further. "This feels like comin home. Oh, babygirl," he whispered into my neck. "I love ya, darlin."

I couldn't hold it back and let out a a cry. My eyes filled and spilled over and I had to cover my mouth with my hands.

"Whoa," he withdrew quickly and lay down next to me. "Did I hurt ya?"

"No, no no no," I managed between sobs. "I've just been waiting to hear that. Oh, probably for years. I knew you'd never say it on any terms but your own."

"Shh, shh, shh," he soothed. He pulled me closer and held me until I stopped sobbing. "Hey. Didn't know it were so important to you. I'm not good with words like that. Ya wanna hear somethin from me ya gotta tell me. You shoulda known by now, Bluebird. Yer the only one gets to boss me around."

"The first time had to be on your own. I didn't want to coerce you or make you think you'd get some kind of reward for it."

"I aint one for words but I don't say that one 'less I mean it, no matter the reward or punishment."

"Say it again," I demanded as I climbed on top of him.

"I love ya," he smiled. I slid down this length and his closed his eyes in ecstasy.

"Again," I started to move my hips the way he showed me the night before.

"I love-oh- I love ya."

888888888888888888888

I was sad to see him go two weeks later. After Christmas, Mal got word on work and they made preparations to leave the following week. I spent any free time I had sequestered in the house with Jayne, not wearing much and not doing anything besides making love. Kaylee scolded Simon for attempting to interrupt us a few times to get us to go out and do something other than rut. She loudly reminded him of the three blissful weeks early in their relationship where they couldn't be in the same room without tearing each other's clothes off. We didn't need reminding, each of us having gotten more than an eyeful in those early days.

"I'm comin back after this trip, " he told me the night before they were shipping out. "I'm comin home to ya fer good."

"You'll get the itch again," I reminded him. "The itch is a mite powerful thing, my love."

"Not when for the first time since I took to the Black, I'm not lookin forward to leaving a dirtheap. You're my home. Wherever you are is my home. I love you."

We slept fitfully, one would wake and reach out to make sure the other was still there and before we knew it, Captain Father was knocking down the door at first light. Jayne somberly got dressed and strapped Vera to his chest. He urged me to sleep a bit longer, pressing a kiss to my temple when I knelt up on the bed half naked to kiss him full on the lips. He held my shoulders and took a long look at me. "That's a vision to keep me warm at night." He left reluctantly, to Captain Father tapping his foot on the patio.

I bid the rest goodbye in public, at Mother's house and watched them walk away. Later, in the distance I could have sworn I heard the old ship take off. I sat on her porch swing, a blanket wrapped around me as I stared at the sky.

Mother sat down next to me, wrapped in a blanket of her own.

"Love is a mite powerful thing," she said to no one in particular. "Makes men do things they'd not do normally."

"It does," I had to suppress a smile, thinking of how the meanest man in the 'verse was reduced to a kitten in my bed.

"My boy," she started, "he's a good man. I mean, he weren't ever smart or nothin and some people like to measure a man's worth on the brains he's got. My boy comes off all mean, but there's a big ol heart in there. The day you came ta me, carryin that letter, I knew you had to be somethin special."

"He told me."

"He was always sendin things home fer safe keepin. Money, sometimes real pretty knives or guns, one time he even sent home some kinda stick that sounded like it was rainin in it. But the day you showed up, I aint never known my boy to love someone other than us. I was glad of it. it reminded me that fer all his meanness and killin he was still my boy."

"Thank you, Ma."

888888888888888

Two months later I fell ill. I was taken by chills I couldn't shake and struggled to keep any food I ate down. Ma noticed I was pale and shaking and she tilted her head to examine me. She felt my sides and chest and gasped.

"Girl, you get yourself to Miss Alosha, right quick," she exclaimed. "Mattie! Come down here and help River over to Alosha's!"

Mattie walked slowly with me to the little stone cottage. The midwife opened the door and smiled at us.

"Well which one-a ya I'm seein today," she asked brightly.

"Momma told me to bring Miss River. She aint been well," Mattie explained, setting me down in an overstuffed chair in the foyer.

Miss Alosha took me to her 'exam room' which was really her dining room where glass bottles lined the walls with different remedies in each one. She told me to sit and handed me a branch of peppermint leaves.

"You chew those, it'll settle your stomach. Now Miss River, when was yer last monthly?"

"Um," I chewed the bitter leaves and started to think. "I was due for one right after Christmas. Come to think of it I'd missed that one. And the one after."

"Right. Last time- pardon me, I need ta ask ya- ya had maritals? Relations?" Maritals? Oh, sex was what I suppose she meant.

"Two months ago, Miss Alosha. Right when-" I stopped myself.

"Hmmm, the Cobb boy," she asked, smirking. "He done shipped off two months ago?" I rested my hands on my abdomen.

"No," I said in disbelief.

"Believe so, Miss River. Ya been sickly? Tired? Cold?"

"All of those."

"And have missed two cycles." She came over and felt my abdomen with a gentle, sure touch. She pressed her hands against the sides of my sore breasts. "Yup, seen it thousands of times. Congratulations, Miss! You best be Waving that man and tellin him." She crossed the room and grabbed a bottle off the shelf with roots in it. "Unless..." she motioned to it.

"No! Oh, no thank you. I believe I'll be keeping it, Ma'am." I got up to leave, she handed me some nausea remedy and told me to keep warm for the next two months. I met Mattie in the foyer where she waited.

"Are ya gunna be okay, Riv," she asked worriedly, linking her arm in mine as we left the midwife.

I placed her hand on my stomach and smiled. "Yes."


	5. Chapter 5

-x- Five Years Earlier -x-

I sat at the table in the galley, reading a book I had cadged from Kaylee. Some trashy romance between Military personnel in a secret base under a mountain on Earth-that-was. It was ridiculous but would suffice until I could get to the next market and pick up some more poetry or perhaps mythology. Jayne sat in a chair at the far corner of the room drinking some inter-engine swill they all brewed on board to make up for the fact that real liquor was too rich for us at the moment. He had his guitar in his hands. I regarded the mercenary sometimes. He was handsome, in a way that ancient Gladiators must have been. All muscle and mass, large presence to match their incredible height. Thankfully he had given up that horrid goatee from years earlier and was now happy to let his stubble grow in but still kept it short. I smiled up at him over my tea.

"What," he asked, taking another swig from the bottle of caustic liquid, then going back to the notes he was strangling from the old instrument.

"Nothing," I mused. "Enjoying the music. That's a pretty piece you're playing."

"Feng-le Moonbrain," he said in an almost goodhearted manner. He had started being nice to me. It started when we were at a tavern one night and there was music. I caught him smiling at me as I danced around with Kaylee. He'd started sticking close to me when we were dirtside, standing like a looming sentinel behind me. Then, once in a while he'd come sit up in the bridge with me late at night. He even got me a birthday present this year.

"Sh, not feng-le anymore. Just smarter than you, Ape," I giggled and shook my head at him. Since relinquishing my abilities to read minds, I found our simple gunhand the most entertaining person to try and figure out. In trying to do so I had found myself becoming more and more fond of him. Eventually that fondess blossomed into an attachment I guessed others would liken to love.

"Rhiannon rings like a bell in the night and wouldn't you love to love her," he sang softly. "Takes to the sky like a bird in flight and who will be her lover? All your life you've never seen a woman taken by the wind. Would you stay if she promised you heaven? Will you ever win? Rhiannon is like a cat in the dark, then she is the darkness. She rules her life like a fine skylark and when the sky is starless..." he stopped then and looked up, like he had forgotten I was there. "Sorry. Sometimes get caught up."

"Nevermind," I sighed. "It was real pretty. Who is she? Rhiannon."

He got up to put the bottle back in the cupboard and stopped in front of me. He opened his mouth to say something, then closed it again.

"Is she a lady you knew," I asked, trying to mask the jealousy I could feel rising in my throat.

He reached out and ran his fingers along my bare shoulder. I was still wearing Inara's cast off's that she gave me before leaving the ship for good. After she died, I continued wearing them because it made me feel closer to her. Like she never left. He flexed his hand like he was going to wrap my thin arm in his huge hand. He dropped it to his side and turned away. I wanted to reach out to him. I wanted to tell him to sit back down and sing to me all night. Sing me to sleep with his breath in my ear and his body pressed against mine.

"A witch. She was a witch," was all he said as he left.

-x-

I had tried to Wave the ship once I got back in from the midwife but to no avail. I took out some work and hummed softly to myself as I cradled my still flat stomach. A while later, as the sun set a chime on the screen went off. I answered it excitedly, hoping to bear the news.

"Hey Riv," it was Annie looking wide eyed and nervous. My stomach dropped. "All okay?"

"Fine," I curtly responded. "Where is he?" A million bad scenarios ran through my head. Captured. Hurt. Dead. Blood blood blood.

"Medbay," she croaked. "Simon's been workin on him for a few hours. He got shot up pretty bad. Deal went South as always. Jayne jumped in front of Zoe, took a bullet to the spleen. Doc's got him in a medically induced coma at the moment."

"Send me coordinates," I said, sounding a lot calmer than I thought I'd have in the situation. "I'm shuttling up to meet ya."

"He'll pull through, Riv. No need to get yerself all worked up or come on and fritter round nervously." She sounded concerned.

"Don't tell me my business, Annie. Coordinates. Now," I started putting things together to take, put in a request for leave of two weeks and got it approved before the screen pinged a set of numbers. They weren't far, thankfully. Three days max. I booked passage on a shuttle and commissioned them a meet up. Ten minutes later I was headed out to the docks, the credits I had saved tucked safely into my dress pocket. The Captain of the rickety shuttle looked at me and bowed his head slightly.

"Teacher," he greeted. "Goin on some kinda holiday?"

"No," was all I said as I handed over the credits and boarded the ship.

Two days later, Captain Father opened the airlock to my former home. It smelled the same and the feelings washed over me as I launched myself into his arms. The first time since I heard the news, I started to cry like a child who had finally been reunited with their family after being lost. I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned to see Zoe, all sober brown eyes and sorry posture behind me.

"Good to have you back little one," she pulled me into a rare hug. I breathed in the leather and laundry detergent smell of her.

"Where is he," I asked. "Is he awake? Is he-"

"He's alive," Simon said from the doorway, running his hands through his black hair. Kaylee ran down the stairs to hug me. "He's really out of it, River. I don't know if he'll even realize you're there, meimei."

I was lead to the Medbay, where Annie sat outside the doors, looking at her hands. I nodded to her and went straight through to where Jayne lay.

"Hey BaoBei," I crooned, stroking his forehead and laying my cheek against his shoulder. His eyes fluttered open.

"Yer not real," he rasped. "She aint here. Mah Bluebird is safe on Maia. If she was here, means I'm dyin."

"I'm here," I kissed his dry lips softly. "Look at me, I'm here." I cradled his face in my hands and ran my thumbs over his cheeks. "You aint dying either."

"He needs rest, meimei," Kaylee, gently tried to pry me off of him.

"He needs me," I glared at them all, stood around us.

Kaylee lead me into the galley and set about making dinner and she chattered nervously about the engine and how she was fixing to re-do the painting in the galley. How Annie's BaoBei found out she had a girl in near every port and jammed their signal for a week. How her and Simon reckoned they might start a family soon. It was then I burst into tears and lay my head against my folded arms.

"Hey Riv," she sat down next to me and rubbed my back. "He's gunna be just fine." She sounded unsure but desperate to stop my crying. "Do you want a soother?"

"No drugs," I sniffled. "I can't." Luckily she didn't ask any questions and just sat there with me. After a quiet dinner, Captain Father showed me to my room. It was the guest quarter I used to share with Simon all those years ago.

"I'd give you the old bunk but it's kinda in use," he apologized.

"Life goes on, Daddy," was all I said as I slid the door closed. I sat on the small, narrow bed missing my wide, iron framed bed back in my warm little cottage. I was overwhelmed at the feeling of the old ship being my home but I didn't live there anymore. I had grown up there in a way and it was like returning to find out the house had been redone. Annie was the Pilot now and the ship as well as crew seemed to accept her. Simon and Kaylee had been married these past seven years. Inara's old shuttle remained unused. A bare shrine to the love Mal had never declared for her. I wrapped myself in a sweater and headed to the crew bunks.

It was a path a knew well as I stopped outside his door. I fiddled with the security panel a bit, typing in the four numbers that I knew were Ma's birthday. The door opened and I climbed down into his bunk. He wasn't there but his essence was. His guns hung behind the striped tapestry that served as 'disguise'. There were gun mags and clothes strewn about and a few of his racier pin-ups still adorned the ceiling. I didn't think he'd ever take any down. His guitar rested in the corner. I sat on his bed and took the green military issue blanket in my hands. I smelled it, taking int he scent of his soap, gun oil and detergent. I lay down on the bed, and only then, surrounded by the things that were entirely him, did I sleep.

The next morning (as much morning as there ever was on Serenity), I came face to face with Annie as I climbed out of the merc's bunk.

"Mornin River," she said, still looking at the floor.

"Morning Annie," I countered. "I'm not mad at you. I know you just want what's best for Jayne. I take it you two are dear friends. But this is bigger than him and me, or him and you."

"I reckoned. I heard ya talking bout how you weren't well. I'm sly but I know about stuff like that. Got three sisters. Aint told him?"

"I think I may have been the last to know, it seems. I put it down to it being high winter, lots of people catch bugs." She gave me the briefest of hugs and then went to the bridge.

A few days later, when I made my way to the Medbay for my daily visit to see Jayne, he was sitting up and Simon was taking readings.

"He's better today, I was able to save the spleen due to it being a small tear. It mostly went through the meat in his side, which is ample," my brother teased him.

"Don't make me laugh, Pansy-ass," he warned, smiling. "I'll be up and round in a few days."

"Well for three weeks it'll be no alcohol. I mean absolutely none. No fighting, jobs, strenuous activity," he shot a look in my direction. "Of any type."

"Fun," he pouted and reached a hand out to me. "Guess I weren't dreaming."

"I am here," I sighed happily. Now was as good a time as any to tell him. Simon left us to go find Kaylee and start breakfast. I took Jayne's massive hand in mine and placed it on my abdomen. "I have some news for you, Mr. Cobb."

"Yeah," he smiled. "What's that then?" I just gave him a look then lowered my eyes to where I had rested his hand.

"You seem to have left a part of you back on Maia. It's okay, though. I've kept it safe."

"Really?!"

"Truly."

A week later we touched down on the docks of the planet I began to call home. Ma gasped and ran over to her boy when she saw him hobble off the ship, supported by Mal and Annie.

"Couldn't let Zoe get hurt, Ma," was his explanation. Her eyes shone at the simple answer.

"That's mah good boy," she kissed his cheek. They took him to my house and set him down on the settee. I set about making coffee for everyone as Jayne stood up as straight as he could and commanded everyone's attention.

"Now," he started, clearing his throat. "I done a lot wrong in ma life. And I reckon I aint the best man in the 'verse what with the killin and stealin and whorin. But I musta done some good in another life far removed from this one. Cos River and I are havin ourselves a baby." I turned to face the rest of the room. Their reactions ranged from thrilled to horrified. The latter coming from Captain father and my brother. The former from all the females in the room. Except Zoe, she looked cool and smirked in a way that was the slightest twitch of her lips in an upward inclination. I handed out coffees, Mattie practically swatting the steaming mug out of my hand as I went to take a sip.

"None fer you," she scolded. She had known since that day at Alosha's and had kept close tabs on everything I attempted to eat and drink. Ma had left her to it, seeing as Mattie was with me more and more these days. I figured whatever happy tears she shed, she did so in private.

-x-

In the months that followed the misadventure, Jayne had tried to convince me to marry him a dozen times over.

"I'm not the marrying type," I decided. "And it goes without saying that neither are you, my love."

"Ya are so the marryin' type cos you'd be marryin' me," he argued. "I won't have a bastard running around my homeland."

"Can I say something?"

"Only if it's agreein with me," he leaned on the back of an armchair we had added to the sitting room. It was higher up than the settee and easier for him to get in and out of.

"You have a very strong sense of wrong and right. I've always known that. But you often have disregarded it. I love you but, why is it coming up now?" My back started to hurt. I sat down carefully.

"Yer not some whore on a bitty moon somewhere," he declared. "Yer River ruttin' Tam and I done waited years fer ya. I'm not givin up now."

"That's not my middle name," I joked.

Three months later, on a late summer night, Jayne and I knocked on Judge Callahan's door. With the Judge's young son as witness we exchanged rings on the doorstep of the man's house. Precisely seven minutes after we kissed as man and wife my waters broke. The fluid ran out from under my flowered sundress and I let out a shocked cry. He picked me up, unmindful of the mess I was making of his best shirt and carried me to Miss Alosha's where she shoo'd him out of her 'exam room' and into the kitchen where she said he'd find a bottle of brandy and to help himself. This was women's work. Alosha's gentleman, who had arrived on the planet after years of being away only a few weeks earlier sat with Jayne whilst they drank and went through the names we had agreed upon.

Early the next morning, I held in my arms the tiny pink baby we had named Sialia. Sally for short. She had her Daddy's ice blue eyes and my dark wavy hair. She snuffled into my chest, rooting around for her feed. Jayne wrapped an arm around us and kissed the top of my head.

"You done real well, Bluebird."

"You helped."

Years passed and his trips to the Black got less frequent. He didn't like to be away for long, saying that a Wave of his girls wasn't as good as being there. I was relieved when he gave it up for good, not having to worry about losing the only man I'd ever loved. He had saved up over the years, eventually moving us into a bigger house at the edge of town. Mattie had gone off and married the handsome postmaster, and Ma had lived to see her second grandbaby born. Simon and Kaylee eventually settled on her home planet, where Simon opened up a proper medical facility. They visited us often, and each time it seemed like they were adding another child to their passel. Captain Father, Zoe, and Annie took to the Black for longer stints. They enjoyed the freedom and I figured they always knew where to find us if they were in need of a home.

Ma died quietly one night in her sleep with a smile on her face. At her funeral the entire town had turned out for the beloved matriarch of the Cobb family, regaling us with stories of her younger years and anecdotes about the mischief her and Jayne's father used to cause when they were children. Sally wailed when they put her Granny into the ground and Jayne just held her tightly, silent tears falling from his eyes.

"She had some really great last years," I assured him later that night as we lay in bed. Sally was asleep between us, hugging the ragdoll Ma had made her for her birthday. "She got to see both her children happily married and start families. She got to see you come home." I brushed Sally's black curls away from her open mouth. "Maybe we can name the next one after her." Jayne reached over and rubbed my stomach. The years had been kind to me and I had a resilient figure. But my stomach was showing the tell-tale bump again.

"I love ya."

"I love you."


End file.
